I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
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The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
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She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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