Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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