and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
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Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
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why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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