its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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