i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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