I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
i think my cat just said my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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