can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i wish my penis had a tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Randomize