her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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