we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize