I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize