It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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