That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
the condom got lost in my hair
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
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Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
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So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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