she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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