My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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