I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize