Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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