Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize