where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
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so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
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i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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