I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize