my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize