dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
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After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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