You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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