i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
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I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
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P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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