I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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