I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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