Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
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She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
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I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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