apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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