i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
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We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
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He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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