I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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