Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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