but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
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