I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
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No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
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Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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