wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
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Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
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Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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