I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
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Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
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Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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