If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Come on in and take your pants off
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