Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
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Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
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I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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