my room smells like sperm. sweet.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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