I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
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When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
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I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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