True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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