btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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