I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Boobs are out for the taking
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
