I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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