I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He? As in you personified your dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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