he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize