Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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