If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
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You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
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He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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