I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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