Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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