the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
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I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
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I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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