My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize