I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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