Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
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What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
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I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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