A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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